lions and tigers and monkeys and elephants

more errata

Ok, I'm back from Laos, took a brief trip to Katchinaburi to play with tigers and such (ridiculous pictures coming soon) and now I'm down to my final 5 days in Thailand.

Unfortunately, I'm not feeling great today and even though its purim, I'm taking a night to myself tonight to relax and heal. I did update the Full Moon and Chang Mai posts nicely (even adding a video) and if I'm feeling really motivated I might start on Laos... no promises. Enjoy!

p.s. 25th birthday (and I guess welcome back party?) is March 24th... keep your schedule open

p.p.s. it has recently come to my attention that you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. yes, you have a good life. no it wasn't my idea. yes, your welcome

gratuitous LP joke

Ok, I've been saving this one, because the people in Thailand don't look much like LP at all. But now that I'm in Laos... all bets are off.

Just kidding, LP. I promise, no more jokes about your sister until I get home. Maybe.

down by the river

"Now from what I hear, you're using your paper not for writing but for rollin' doobies! You're gonna be doing alot of doobie rolling when you're living in a van down by the river!"

[Leor this ones for you]: Crane your neck a little to watch the movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JRpd9mYzgA

Well, Laos style, its a little different. Theres plenty of doobie rolling, but you do it drinking at a bar down by the river, where they have these platforms with swings and ziplines and tarzan style ropes where you can go kamikazi-ing into the river.

Thats all for now. I'm kinda beat. To be continued!

chang mai ------> jeep trek

Mmmmm.... Cobra Whisky

After the Full Moon, I staggered my way up from the islands, taking a brief shopping break in Bangkok with some new friends to prepare for the mosquitos and the cold in the north of Thailand. I randomly saw Yair again right before he bounced back to Israel and then hopped on a quick little 12 hour bus trip to Chang Mai, an ancient walled city surrounded by a moat in the north of Thailand which serves as their unofficial second capitol. Its definitely a LOT nicer than Bangkok -- no fumes, not as dirty, not as busy and a lot cheaper.

On the bus ride up I ran into Shilo and Maly, an Israeli couple that I had met at Shabbat dinner in Ko Phan gan. We ended ransacking the ridiculous night market, which is unfortunate for me because like a dummy, I packed too much stuff and now I'm lugging around a full backpack and a duffel wherever I go. The Jew Crew will know the sight of overloaded Amess well.

Unfortunately, I switched memory cards, so I don't have any pictures from Chang Mai itself -- just from the jeep tour at the end -- which is unfortunate, because I have pictures of some ridiculous temples, a video of a buddhist ceremony and a video of a monk blessing me.

What I DO have (and this is getting ahead of myself a little bit, but what can you do) is a pretty tight video of me offroading through a river crossing and starting an offroad trail http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWtQ_oagF2c -- I actually had meant to upload a different one, which actually showed the offroading and the ridiculous hills and rocks and whatever that we tore through, but I goofed... and anyways, beggars can't be choosers. The dude sitting next to me in the front seat is Menachem -- he owns a dive school in Eilat, real chill guy and an ANIMAL on the offroads -- no respect or regard for any object in his way. Awesome. The girl making scary faces is Maly, and the Academy Award nominated cameraman is none other than Shilo himself.

I also took a class in Thai style cooking --- we made 6 different dishes in one day, and you know me: I ate every single one of them, to the last drop. Mmmm. Sticky rice with Mango, Sweet and Sour Vegetables, Curry Chicken, Coconut Milk Soup, Chicken with Cashew nuts... some other stuff, I can't even think right now, its making me too hungry.

I spent Shabbat evening at the Chabad center -- theres nothing nicer than chilling with 300+ Jews in the middle of nowhere (Jewishly speaking) and then went out on the jeep trek with Maly and Shilo. The first day was siiiiiick -- first we went to a snake show, where this dude (who clearly was born without a self-preservation instinct, and was missing two fingers to prove it) spent a good hour teasing, prodding, wrestling and, truth being stranger than fiction, kissing snakes ranging from cobras to pythons to watersnakes.

Serious chokehold-- he's got my neck, I've got his head. I asked for a truce, we called it a draw and then I made him into a belt. Seriously.

Then we hustled off to an elephant show where elephants showed off their dance moves, painting abilities, basketball/soccer abilities and other talents, all pretty impressive. I didn't enjoy this as much as the snake show, but only because while I have no sympathy for snakes, I love elephants, and while they seemed well-treated, it seemed a little sad that they had to perform tricks for us. A ridiculous offroad session ended the first day quite nicely.

The second day started with some river rafting (we "won" starting last but finishing first) we checked out some indigenous tribespeople and then went to a monkey temple.


My Ruthie Substitute -- a member of the long necked Karen tribe. No, I don't know if they give neck or whatever they call it. I didn't ask.


Greedy monkey

I mean, not that theres really any other kind, but this monkey was one of the greediest. Hence, my one of my favorites. But not THE favorite. Not fat enough. The monkeys at this Wat (Buddhist temple) were some of the fattest and greediest on this side of the Atlantic. They would circle around behind you and try to steal shit out of your pockets (food or anything else they could greedy) and they'd beat and smack each other around to get at food. Needless to say, I approved.

Unfortunately, the monkeys got overgreedy and bit this girl (on her birthday, which stank) so we just chilled while she went to the hospital and the second day wasn't as exciting as the first. That night though, after checking out the night market...


Rastaman Vibrations in Chang Rai

we met this guy and his crew as we were randomly strolling through the city at night. Him and his crew were drinking and playing Thai reggae music, which is not half bad. One thing led to another and we ended up chilling with them at their local bar -- Rasta Bar. Go figure. I mean really, what are the chances?

The last day was relaxed and chill -- we started out at some waterfalls before driving to the Golden Triangle juncture of Myanmar, Laos and Thailand.

Giant gold Buddha at the Golden Triangle

We checked out a Laos village (its pronounced without the "s" by the way) before cruising down the Mekong river and finally heading home/


Sunset over the Mekong River, looking at Thailand from Laos

Valentines Day

Old picture, same idea. Happy Vday baby. I love you.

errata

So I went back and added some pictures, posted some, um, posts that I had been lazy about and cleaned up some confusion... so its worth it, if you're bored at work to go back and see if theres anything you missed. See below "Fire Starter." Full Moon and Chang Mai posts coming soon

can i hit it in the morning without giving you half of my dough....

Short answer: No. You can't. But for 1000 or so baht, it won't cost you half your dough. Only about 27 bucks.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "I'd hit that."

On the other hand, it'll cost you your dignity. That chica bonita up there? Yeah. She's a ladyboy. Check out the shoulders. And her soldier. I saw some dude take him/her home. Did he know? Who knows. The moral of this story? Um...

full moon

So I don't know if you've heard about the Full Moon party but its, for lack of a better word, a balagan. For about, say, two weeks before, people warm up. That is, they practice getting retarded in anticipation of the real thing.

You have crazy animals running around, downing buckets that are filled with a pint of alcohol (from cheap thai rum, Sangsom all the way up to the classier liquors) and dancing and raving like madmen. You have people wasted on the beach, dancing, like this fool. Notice the time of day. This is 11am in the morning. Even the bucket people have bounced. But theres still music, and though theres barely anyone to dance with, my man is still going strong.



I wish I had taken a video of him. Anyways, like I mentioned (or maybe not), Ko Phan gan is like Israel away from Israel. The beach below, called Coco Hut is like a haven for Israelis. The next two pictures are of my Israeli crew -- I met Chen (below) and Shani (striped bathing suit) on Ko Phi Phi. We were all chillin at this place called Hippie Bar -- nice and they were sitting behind me. I turned around and said in Hebrew, "For sure you're Israeli" (at that point, still a novelty to me). I spent the night practicing my Hebrew (who would have thought I'd get more practice here than in Israel? Weird.), met their crew and went our separate ways. Imagine my surprise when we ended up randomly meeting on Ko Phan Gan. Basically we'd spend our days chillin on the beach, playing backgammon (SHESH BESH!), learning to play Taka (I think that's what its called) and just lounging and trying (in my case mostly unsuccessfully) to get tan.


Chen


From left to right: Shani, ? , Casper the friendly Ghost, Tal and Asaf.

I'm passing out right now, but since I'm going on a three/four day jungle trek tomorrow, I wanted to give you all something to look at. Enjoy, text to follow in a couple of days.


Gus, Kirk, Sven

I met Kirk on the boat from Ko Tao to Ko phan gan. There we were, squeezed in sardine-style, legs dangling off the sides of the boat -- we were either going to love or hate each other. Luckily, it worked out nicely. I met Gus and Sven through Kirk -- real chill Swedish guys that he had chilled with in Cambodia. Needless to say, buckets + beer + beach = silliness.


Random half-naked Swedish Hotties

So one night leading up to the full moon, I run across these girls dancing, skirts barely covering barely there thongs. So obviously, in the interests of accurately recording the matters of acute historical significance... yeah, I took a picture. Sorry boys, didnt manage to capture any of the (lack of) thong. My bad.



Full Moon pregame/crew. From left to right: Me, ?, Charlotta (Charlotte in Swedish), Booki, Hajdin, Tina, Mattias, Tina, Mike, Tobias

Though I was staying in a ridiculous bungalow overlooking the water, it was a little far away from all the action, and I definitely wasn't loving the whole motorbiking to party and then walking back at night and then struggling to find the bike the next day thing. So I went to snag a room at Kirk, Gus and Sven's place, only to find that they had just filled up. At the same time, hajdin and Lars (pronounced Losh) rolled through. We ended up following this woman to the same spot, snagged two of the last bungalows and started a reign of terror.


Full Moon Munchies: Mike, Heiden, Myself, Tobias

So fuck what anyone says -- the highlight of ko phan gan is not the full moon, not the daily parties, not the shroom shakes -- its Mama Schnitzel's homecooked goodness. Fried to artery-clogging goodness in front of your eyes, this 50 baht snack is worth the price of airfare alone. Especially if perchance, for some reason or another, you have the munchies.

i am the firestarter

Well, technically not me. These guys.


Michaelangelo


Donatello

Every night on the beach they have ridiculous fireshows -- they take ropes or long sticks (think Michaelangelo and Donatello from the ninja turtles) and swing them around.... its incredible.

english/british

So apparently theres a big difference between being British and being English. I called some dude British and he took SERIOUS offense. "I'm ENGLISH, mate, ENGLISH!!!" Apparently English refers to England itself, while Britain encompasses Wales, Scotland, etc.

Regardless, English/British people get pissed. Pissed means retardedly drunk, which is what that dude was. And he was kinda big. I'm glad he was in a forgiving mood.

under the sea

So Ko Tao is absolutely beautiful. I passed my open water scuba diving test -- now I can dive up to 18 meters (that's about 44 feet for you non-metric fools). I wish I was able to take pictures under water -- the environment is ridiculous -- beautiful coral, dangerous triggerfish, sneaky eels, and beautiful florescent fishies of ever color.

The beaches are ridiculous too. This is an average sunset on the beach and an above average flexing of the guns. Oh... It's a deep burn. Oh! So deep! Ah. I can barely lift my right arm cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting, I did over a thousand. You have your uvulus muscle, which connects to your upper dorsimus. It's boring, but it's part of my life. I'm just gonna grab this shirt if you don't mind. Watch out for the guns, they'll getcha. (Thanks Roo)

Anyway, the island is quiet and peaceful, especially at night. Theres only one bar, Lotus, that resembles a party (though there is a rotating afterparty every night until 5am). All the other spots are just chilled out, where you lie on mats, sip your drinks and chill.

Unfortunately, its also a little dangerous, especially for the drunkards among us (i.e. everyone). Teri and Mikko went for a swim at 3am. They saw a perfectly empty beach and figured it would be ok to put down their stuff for a while to take a swim. Bad move. Apparently on Ko Tao, thieves wait in the bushes for exactly situations like this. My friends were in the water for 3-4 minutes. When they came out EVERYTHING was gone: clothes, wallets, cameras, credit cards. Not good at all. I like to think that my NYC senses would have kicked in... but on an empty beach? Drunk? Who knows. I'm glad I wasn't there with them.

ko phangan

So after devastating ko phi phi with astounding displays of greedery and fattiness, Yair and I left the Andaman sea and took off for ko phan gan, an island in the gulf of Thailand, which is due west. Just getting there was an adventure. The Thai have -- how do I say this delicately -- lets just say they are very much opportunists. Some times this opportunism is self-created. For example, we're rockin' a bus across Krabi, which is on the southern tail of the mainland, when all of the sudden the bus pulls over at a travel agency. Everyone dutifully follows instructions and gets off, starts ordering food, rockin the internet, etc.

But my spider sense is tingling. Somethings not right. By my calculations, we have 45 mins to make this ferry, and this pit stop is cutting it close, to say the least. I go to ask the lady whats going on. She says that we already missed the ferry and that the bus will take us to get the next one. Instead of getting in at 7, we'll be getting in at 9:30. I tell her that the ferry hasn't left yet and that we want to get to the earlier one. She offers to find us a cab for 1,500 baht -- about $40. Convenient. Even more convenient was the fact that the "cab" was actually the travel agencies pickup truck, idling outside. As I'm arguing with the Thai lady, I meet this British couple on vacation, and we decide to figure it out together. Even though we knew we were being ripped off, we decided to rock the cab (good thing we did, too -- I later met someone who was on that bus, and they got in around 11 -- too late to find a decent place, and they all got overcharged. Of course, we ended up staying in a guesthouse run by the Thai mafia, so who knows. We were quiet, respectful, and BOUNCED so quickly the next day they didn't even know what was up.) Anyways, the British dude offers to pay 1,000 of it, because, as he said, "I'm only on vacation for a short time. You guys need to save your money." Mad chill. Only, he didn't say it like that. He said it all British. So I guess that was a paraphrase.

The next day, Yair wakes up early, rents a motorbike and finds this ridiculous place called Family Bungalow, right on the water. WOW. When I get at a computer next, I'll post pictures. Maybe a video. Don't get too greedy -- that's my job. Anyways, we had our own semi-private beach, a bungalow and a big shared bed. Nice and romantic. We cuddled. Obviously.

The next couple of days we just chilled: Went for a shabbat dinner

at a local Israeli guesthouse, which was awesome, explored the island, found some (more) ridiculous beaches,


checked out some waterfalls... There's this one place called Coco Hut -- I swear, its just like the Tayelet in Tel-Aviv: Lots of Israelis and a couple random tourists. Unbelievable. Phan gan is like Israeli central, which is nice for me because there isn't another American (at least none that I've found) for miles, and its nice to have a little bit of common ground.

Anyways, I'm leaving soon to Ko Tao to do my open water scuba course. Pictures and hopefully video to be posted soon correction: now.

i'm down with koh phi phi -- yeah you know me

So I got to Bangkok and was immediately underwhelmed. Bangkok is a teeming mass of humanity interspersed among noxious smog fumes. It can get pretty intense. It was also a little lonley at first -- everyone is running around doing their thing and its easy to get lost in the shuffle. I went to the Israeli spots, met some people, played some shesh besh (backgammon, fools) and chilled. But I knew I had to be out. I called my girl Melissa, found out she was headed to koh phi phi and I was sold.

On the bus ride down I met this really chill Israeli named Yair. He's also traveling by himself and just got here from a year or so in Australia. We immediately decided that we were going to chill out and grab a spot together.

So we arrived on ko phi phi and immediately started running shit. First we met this guy Pin (the middle thai in the video), just burning one down on the beach where he worked. We made friends, one thing led to another and we were chilling in his house. Check it (NOW FIXED!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7i0KC2fH_o

Aside from the burning, which was an obvious plus, Pin also told us about island life before and after the tsunami. Phi Phi is one island that was especially devestated during the tsunami. This picture shows the immediate aftermath, and you can clearly see the way the waves came in.

Pin's family has lived on the island for generations, and in addition to losing his son, his extended family lost 25 family members. Terrible stuff. However he talked about it matter-of-factly: this is what I had, this is what I have now.

What makes the above picture even crazier is the knowledge that the shore is protected by a natural cove, which you can somewhat make out from this picture .

Phi Phi is also the island where the movie the beach was filmed. Though I've only seen the disturbing parts of the movie (shark bite, weed fields -- hope I didn't ruin anything for anyone), I was down to check it out. Yair (or YaYa, as he calls himself. It turns out that many people struggle with the pronunciation) and I rented a long boat and headed off to explore. First stop was Monkey Beach, which has some of the fattest, greediest monkeys I've ever seen in my entire life. Brought tears to my eyes. I haven't seen such spoiled little animals since my days as a counselor on a rich kids teen tour.

******

Interim note: I need some feedback -- let me know which comes out better, the two enlarged photographs above or the two regular size below. Thanks.

******

From there it was on to Ma Ya bay. Lets just say it didn't disapoint. We went cliff jumping, treking and swiming before calling it a day.

Since I have a lot to catch up on (and things to do tonight) I'm goign to wrap this up quick with a disturbing image. This, my friends, is my very first facial, after my first thai massage.

more updates soon

istanbul = constantinople = brick fucking cold

So I took off as planned at 5:30 on the tenth -- got comfortable in my seat, started blasting the ruthie mix (not to be confused with the roofie mix, which is actually how I met her in the first place -- but thats a story for another time and place), kicked off the shoes -- life was good... that is, until the captain got on the mic and started blasting some turkish gibberish. Now the thing about Turkey is that English speakers are slightly rare, and by slightly I mean extremely. Luckily, Turkish airlines, anticipating the possibility that something might go wrong, was nice enough to prerecord a number of useless generic messages in case of such an eventuality that obviously explained absolutely nothing. Fantastic.

What I eventually pieced together, with the help of some of my fellow passengers, was that Istanbul was covered in a fog the consistency of a post-big mac dump, and that we would be making an emergency 5 hr pit spot in Anatalya. Then, when we got to Istanbul (and believe me, they were not joking about that fog -- even when it was safe to land, that shit reduced visibility ON THE GROUND to about 15 feet in front of you) they announced that our flight to Bangkok had unfortunately bounced 30 minutes before we arrived and that we would be spending a full day in Istanbul and catching a flight at the same time the following evening. This was all fine and dandy except I was expecting to be in Bangkok, and had dressed for the occasion -- long sleeve T shirt (go mets!) and shorts. Oh, and they had already shipped our bags to Thailand. Oh, and the temperature in Istanbul was below freezing. I ventured out for a brief walk but aside from that, spent my time sleeping and watching TV.

So eventually, the next day, I make it to the airport in Istanbul. Funny thing that I noticed: As soon as you get in, you're immediately searched and all of your baggage (carry on and checked luggage) is xrayed and searched. Cool. Then you go through passport control and into duty free. When you get to the gate, however, and are about to board the plane, you get searched again. I was obviously curious why -- I mean, didn't we get searched already? The answer, apparently, is that in duty-free they sell prohibited items that are not allowed aboard the plane. Knives, sharp objects and the like. So why are they sold? I asked. All I got was a shrug in reply. Apparently they sell it to you in order to confiscate it at the gate. Go figure. The other funny thing was that Turkish duty free on the plane consisted entirely of.... cigarettes. Nothing else. Gooooooooooooood.

Anyways, so now I'm in Bangkok. I checked into a spot, updated my loyal readers, and now I'm about to go make some friends. I'll let you knwo how it goes.

bangkok

If I had a shekel (or four) for every time someone tried to punch me in the junk after I said I was going to Bangkok (which, for the brain-dead, the ignorant and Fat Topal, is in Thailand)... well, sheeeeeeeet, I'd have lots of loot. Anyways, I'm headed there on the 12th. That is all.

maintenance

Quick update: I'm flying to Thailand Wed, Jan. 10. I'm at my boy Mariano's place after staying with my girl Yael for the past couple of days. Internet here is solid, so I should have mad pictures uploaded in the next couple of days. Mariano, for those who want a visual, is the other guy with me in my photograph on the upper right.

It's 4:37 right now, I'm about to pass out after watching a siiiiiick movie. I'll try to update and catch up tomorrow. Nighty night.

p.s. I would be severely remiss if I failed to give a shot out to my girl Tracey, who peed the bed on the second night of the trip. Sorry folks, there will be no pictures of THAT.

lion = gangsta

The other day I was at the safari in Ramat Gan with the fam and some friends. This place has everything: tigers, zebras, hippos, alligators, rhinos, elephants, orangutans, baboons, wolves, giraffes... you name it they have it. However, the most gangsta animal of them all is the lion.

Below is a picture of the lion king and his wifey.

(as I get better with this, I'll start posting more pictures)

Men can learn many lessons from the lion. For one, the lion chills all day, spending about 20 hrs of every day just being fabulous. Notice him above, surveying his kingdom. He doesn't give a fuck. He is respected and feared -- thoroughly in control, regulating. Further, when he bangs, he goes 20-40 times per session. Niiice.

"But how does he eat, Aaron?" I'm glad you asked. While the lion sleeps late and chills on his perch, smoking doobies, the lionwifey (lifey, for short) is out hunting for food. She relentlessly stalks, then kills her prey. But does she eat? No no. Lions teach their women respect. Lifey first brings back the meat so that her man can eat first. Only then does she eat and give to the kiddies.

So next time you see a lion, know this: not only is he a 400+ lb killing machine who chills out listening to Marley all day while his wifey brings him food. He is also the gangsta-ist animal in the world.